In a desperate attempt to attract new voters, the Government has decided to allow babies and young children to vote as well.
Ballot papers will be posted through the vagina of pregnant women along with election communication to allow babies to consider who they should vote for on birth.
A Government spokeswoman said, "Capacity to understand the system has never been a requirement in the election voting system, so we cannot see any reason why new born babies should not have the vote. Their mothers can hold the pencil for them, if necessary."
When asked whether this might allow the mothers to vote the way they wanted to, rather than the way the baby wanted to, the spokeswoman said,"and where's the problem in that? We are happy to give women two or more votes. The Inequalities Act 2010 allows us to legally discriminate in favour of women anyway. Besides, no man in his right mind would vote Labour anyway, we are only here for the female voter and this is a way of rewarding them for supporting us."
"It is quite clear from the type of people being elected as MP's that nobody in this country has the capacity to vote sensibly anyway, so why discriminate on the grounds of age. Anyway, the Inequalities Act 2010 makes it illegal to discriminate on the grounds of age so we are just following this through to its logical conclusion."
This reporter awaits an increase in the number of spoilt votes at the next election.