It was sensationally announced last night that Susan Boyle has joined Celtic Football Club as their new goalie. She will be known as the 'SuBoNator' and will take up the post soon.
"Aye, I've been a fan for years. They needed a better goalie, so I decided to do the job myself. Nothing will get past me, babe!" said SuBo excitedly.
Fanatics were showing their usual astonishing lack of knowledge and grasp of British culture.
"Oh yes, I've been following The Celtics all my life. I love basketball, but I didn't think Susan was tall enough?" rambled some fanatic adjusting her red scarf.
Another fanatic riding her pony looked predictably bemused. "Is this English football? Is that the same as soccer? Is that the same as football here in America? Do they play that game with a pig's bladder, or is that something else?"
"Och Aye," said some fanatic in her best 'Scottish' accent. "I've just finished watching 'Monarch of the Glen' again, and I saw them playing soccer so I am, of course, an expert now! I predict she'll score lots of baskets, and win lots of cups!"
"We will be praying for her to win lots of points!" beamed a couple of very similar looking fanatics.
"We will start selling replica SuBoNator goalie shirts in our Tacky Gift Shop immediately!" grinned the chief fanatic while tapping away furiously on his calculator.