Model mum and perfume giant, Katie Price, was fuming this morning when she gave her daily press conference from her baby-making trip to Los Angeles. Today's topic was what she thinks about her ex-husband's UK tour.
In yet another attack on Peter Andre she said ,"I've got another exclusive for you - I can't believe that man Peter Andre. He has a go at me and then he takes our kids to watch him dance on stage with a fully clothed dance troupe! The cheek of it! His show looks shit anyway. I watched it on YouToob."
Dressed in lingerie in the $600 per night hotel she went on, "Can you stop doing stories on him now? Have you forgotten I'm at Elton John's Oscars Party later struggling to get in as a guest of a guest, and that I'm trying to get Reidinated? Well, HAVE YOU?"
With a menacing look in her eye and an invisible frown she went on again, "Can you stick with MY story please, else Joe Public'll lose the plot and not buy my forthcoming autobiographies. You know I'm already in real danger of losing what's left of my fan base to that bloody Cheryl Cole. And how would I afford £3000 hair extensions then eh? Have you even THOUGHT about THAT??? More stories on ME now, got it? Or have I got to send Vinnie, Alex and Dane round to SORT YOU AAHT?"
Alex Reid was unavailable for comment as his manager and wife had sent him to an audition for the lead role in the remake of the 1982 film Tootsie.