UK Out of Recession?

Written by IainB

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

image for UK Out of Recession?
A banker checks how much is left from his redundancy package

Industry analysts have announced that the UK is out of recession as of today. This follows on from other industry analysts announcing that we were out of recession at the beginning of December, and yet more industry analysts who have announced that we are not out of recession, and will not be for the foreseeable future (which in the case of industry analysts appears to be about one day).

Ordinary members of the public, who have generally carried on as normal during the "worst recession since the 1930s", greeted the news with little or no enthusiasm, more concerned with booking their summer holiday or buying their groceries.

One analyst, who refuses to be named, has bucked the trend and come forward to explain how this recession is worse than the one in the 1930s in which thousands died due to the inability to afford heat and food, and millions more were out of work, seeing the unemployment figures (estimated only, statistics weren't invented until 1976) rise to twenty million in the UK, approximately three quarters of the "available to work" workforce.

"It's like this," said Anna Liszt, "In all the previous recessions, the bankers managed to keep their jobs, their houses, and their large estates. In this one, they didn't. Therefore, it stands to reason that this has been the worse recession ever. Although most analysts will try to convince you that the coming out of recession announcements are based on economic figures, this is actually incorrect. All the bankers that had previously been made redundant have now found work back in the banking industry, or retired. Therefore, we are now out of recession."

It's all relatively simple when it's explained.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more