The best version: Long ago, an old satanist named Geppetto was caught shoplifting in his village. He was sent to a dungeon where he was tortured without mercy. His hands and head were put in a Pillory and afterwards fire ants were placed on them w…
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) is still considered a freshman in the House of Representatives but talks like a seasoned veteran in the arena of national politics. Believing that our system is totally flawed, she proposes revolutionary ideas almo...
The ACLU today filed yet another suit against the Trump Administration, this time on behalf of the Brothers Grimm, or rather there genetic descendants of the Brothers Grimm. "We can no longer stand by as the plots and lessons embedded in the stori...
PROLOGUE - Once upon a time there were two little girls who grew up as friends and classmates in the country of Auzmania. Despite their close friendship,the girls were very much unalike. Alicia was caring, cooperative and a loyal friend to all who knew her. Snow, on the other hand, was devious, manipulative and her friendship was shallow. Both were very bright and they were the most attractive gir...
It's a battle between grandma-like storytellers and masseuses with soft, alluring voices and warm hands, and in the smack in the middle is federal judge Henroid P. Geezle. He is tasked with deciding whether the storytellers or the masseuses have the...
Another imaginary man has expressed concerns about the imaginary kingdom in which he has been domiciled, writes Fantasy World correspondent, Alexander Selkirk. It will be remembered that I have reported on these kinds of matters before. I spoke to this latest imaginary man yesterday, in an exclusive imaginary interview for our imaginary audience. It was surprisingly easy to gain entry to the im...
In a surprisingly good twist of fate I've been dating someone for the past two months who has yet to shock and horrify me. Fear not, his freak flag will fly sooner or later and make for a very interesting post, but until I can publicly mock him I will need to look a little harder to find inspiration. During my journey home from one of our "slumber parties" (after telling the tourist blocking th...
The Fairy Tale Wolf Convention held annually in Manchester may have seen it's last wolf after events this year. "It was horrible," said Ben Woodsman, organiser of the event. "There was carnage in every corner." With all the fairy tale wolves in...
The following is a spoof fairy tale written by my six year old son (I typed, but it all his own words). Once upon a time, there was a little girl and little boy who lived with their mum and dad. One day, they planted some cucumbers. In three weeks, cucumbers started to grow. They grew and grew and grew. The two children and their mum and dad picked the cucumbers' and they took them inside...
Once upon a time the three little pigs came to a river. "We need to cross this river," said the youngest little pig. "But we can't swim across," said the middle little pig, "there is a crocodile in the river." "Then we will need to build boats," said the oldest little pig. The three little pigs went to find things to build their boats with. The youngest little pig found a field full...
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'? The fairy godmother repl...
Jack Smith, 860, died last night in a terrifying fall from his beanstalk. The hero of the children's story had lived alone there ever since killing the Giant. The adventurer rose to fame when he misguidedly swapped a cow for magic beans. His fu...
Once upon a time, there was a large hippie clan living in a remote area of the Appalachian Mountains. They had been living a quiet life out of mainstream America since the early 70's. They dropped out of society during the Nixon administration fully expecting to re-integrate back in when Nixon left office, but decided their lifestyle was one that could not be abandoned so easily. Numbering in t...
Once upon a time, a little slut named Goldibolox was walking through the forest. She came upon a small house, and thought, hello, I think I will burgle that place. The little bastard broke a window and crept in. After searching the house and finding nothing, she realised they were working class wankers that must be on the fukin dole. Feeling a bit pekish, she went into the kitchen, there, on the...
One day a chauvanist pig proposed to a beautiful, extremely intelligent young woman. She said, "No,' and she lived happily every after. She didn't have to do any housework. She shopped till she dropped. She wore anything she wanted and her butt NEVER looked big at all. She was never told to shave her moustache. She was NEVER given appliances for Christmas presents. She didn'...
Old Mother Hubbard is facing bankruptcy procedures in the High Court, following news that she no longer has anything left in her cupboards. Her creditors have taken the decision as they do not expect her financial situation to improve soon. Old Mo...
Psychologists have isolated new 'fairy tale' beliefs that have evolved in our society in recent years. All times in history have had their mythology and illusions that they believe in. Ours is no different. We might think that we are rational and scientific, but in reality we have just as warped of thinking as had our predecessors who believed in witch doctors. Our beliefs are just more modern.
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