German Chancellor Angela Merkel was reportedly furious today at the exclusion of her native country from National Breast Appreciation day on September 28th.
Merkel, by her own admission, no oil painting, stuck up for her fellow countrywomen, stating that German ladies have the finest breastiture in the world, let alone Europe.
"But they don't," UK spokesman Cosmo Smallpiece countered. "German birds have train crash boobs. They're blunt and to the point. Like buffers.
"Now the French, their women have languid, lazy boobs, the kind of boobs you'd never tire of kissing. The Spanish and the Italians have cheeky boobs. All suntanned and lovely.
"Here in the UK the ladies boobs, as overexposed as they are, usually after a Friday night out, are quite reasonable.
"But German boobs are non-negotiable. They're blunt and hostile."
Angela Merkel was outraged by comments directed at her fellow countrywomen:
"Anyone who doubts the superiority of German breastiture will be subjected to ze blitzboobkrieg!" she snarled.
"Bring it on," Smallpiece said. "We've seen you off before and we'll do it again."
English roses and the Evony ad ladies were said to be laughing up their sleeves.