Perkycup, Iowa/ Wet T-Shirt News - Iowa, home of the nation's largest population of suckling pigs, announced today it would be the first to respond to "Boob Czar" Hal A. Peno's Fatwa to combine Mother's Day and Breast Appreciation Day into a long, wild titillating weekend.
Mayor Carl "Horn Dog" Johnson signed the Fatwa early this morning enabling Perkycup to become the first town in the country to officially recognize the achievements of mothers with breasts. "Once again," he crowed, "a town in Iowa will be first in the nation....at least for this weekend...it makes my nipples hard just thinking about it!"
The event, scheduled for September 28, should have perfect weather. According to Jim Cantori of the Weather Channel, Perkycup should be expecting it's first frost of the year, and as he said, "the weather conditions should really perk things up!"
Johnson did stipulate, however, that no transgender citizens were allowed to participate in the festivities, and were certainly not allowed to participate in the town's pageant to include vying for the title of "Miss Perkycup, Iowa".
"You can't have both a dick and tits, and be eligible to compete," said the Mayor, defying a warning from the ACLU.
To be eligible to participate in the two day festivities, all women had to go bra less in keeping with the theme of the holiday which was "unfettered hedonism in a small American town".
Any woman whose breasts did not fall below her spandex waist band was eligible to attend. The mayor tactfully asked that all others remain home and locked in their house so as not to put a damper on the joyful celebration.
A number of outlaw Bike Clubs, including members from "Dykes on Bikes",
"Harley's Ho's", and the "Sushi Ryders" said they would be attending, and volunteered to provide order guaranteeing any sexual harassment that inadvertently popped up would be' severely handled.'
Mayor Johnson said he had been overwhelmed with requests from middle aged men volunteering to be unpaid judges of the Wet T-shirt contests taking place in the parking lot of the town's Bologna Processing Plant.
Some enterprising residents are already hard at work, due to economic conditions, printing a variety of T-shirts to be sold at the almost 500 booths permitted for the event. Sneaking a peak at some of the early creations we noted, "Hey Mom, Nice Tits", "Stop Milkin' the System", "Keep on Hangin' In",
"My Udder Mudder", "Don't Laugh...I'm an Octomom" "Twick or Teat" and finally, "Thanks Jman for Letting Me Hang Out!"
The State Police have been notified and have dispatched 200 motorcycle officers to handle crowd control , parking, and line dancing.
The media has mostly ignored the event except for Fox News. A spokesman for Glen Beck said the Ringmaster would attend, and contribute to the outpouring of community spirit in yet another Town Hall Meeting giving the middle class a voice, and a chance to celebrate "freedom of Choice".
Four of Fox's Foxes will also attend, and in keeping with the spirit of the event will also go bra less, at which point the head of the State Police said, "I think we're goin' need some more swingin dicks in uniform to handle things!"
