Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Con Trail Mess): Plagued by Old Testament-like 'voices' prophesying a July 4th Independence Day disaster the Queen has ordered the RAF to stop buzzing her ancestral Scottish mansion after cranial implants began singing refrains from 'The Dambusters'.
HM's temporal lobe was first surgically altered by her Nazi forebears so she could automatically receive military instructions from her uncle Joseph Stalin.
But due to post-war rationing surgeons ended up using cheapo bakelite fixtures and fittings which began attracting cognitive-threatening bacteria as early as her 1953 coronation day.
Numerous medical attempts to rectify the problem merely exacerbated the problem which then intensified after cutting edge flight technology was found to jam signals to Old Fatty Mountbatten's head.
Camilla's jaw had to be hard-wired for nearly fifteen years to prevent a similar toxic build-up.
