In an unexpected but welcome development, Queen Elizabeth II has called the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, to Buckingham Palace and told him to "Piss Orf".
Her Majesty has decided that, as an 105-year-old veteran of a large number of Prime Ministers - or as she put it - "about 26 of you tossers" - she must, for the benefit of the country, resume absolute monarch status.
Calling for the Yeomen of the Guard, The Queen then had Brown frogmarched to the Tower of London, where he awaits Her Majesty's Pleasure.
It is expected that Her Majesty will need about 40 years to experience pleasure in Brown's misery.
Rabies treatment will be given to corgi-bitten Brown as Her Majesty has decreed that death by rabies is too easy for, again as she most pithily puts it, "that wanker".
In a late development, the newly elected Speaker of the House of Commons, John Berkow, has offered himself for execution as the traditional role of Speaker dictates.
It is not known how Her Majesty will react to Berkow's offer, but the sound of axe-sharpening has been heard from Tower Green.
In an unprecedented statement (read Royal Decree), Her Majesty has stated that she reacted "with total disbelief to the stories of greed and corruption of M'sP".
She has taken the unusual step of removing the government with great reluctance, but they asked for it when "they closed the Post Office on the Mall where I used to draw my pension on a Thursday. There were quite a lot of us and we used to have such a lovely time, reminiscing about the War, and Mummie and the way we could slow down the younger folk who were trying to park or buy a stamp! Why, it was a pleasure to see their little faces screw up with rage in my rear view mirror"!
Her Majesty then left the room to govern the country.