Holyrood Palace - (Dog Days Mess): Billed as a heavy cold, an unexpected eruption of royal Swine flu is one possible cause behind the Queen's cancellation of offical duties following the news that her wayward son by 41st US President George Herbert Bush had ODd on prescription smack.
"Of course her only real, lawfully wedded husband, Joseph Ratzinger, has always maintained that Jacko was his son," Palace spokesman Lord Luce-Cannon whispered hoarsely today, "because at the time of his conception Bush Sr - in real life the notorious Cuban-born mobster Frank Geli - was in a Havana slammer detoxing from crack."
Wednesday's Princess Diana birth anniversary is to be marked with a 41 gun salute in London's Hype Park.
