G20 Circus comes to London

Funny story written by matwil

Thursday, 2 April 2009

image for G20 Circus comes to London
The Human Chameleon

The famous G20 Circus arrived in central London today, and journalists eagerly snapped up tickets to go and see it, as the public has about as much interest in it as in an old jellied eel.

'Roll up, roll up!', its manager BBC Barnum yelled to passers-by, 'marvel at the Human Reptile, Gordon Brown! Be amazed by Sherpa Clinton, who dodges sniper bullets with all her skill, laugh at Adolfia Merkel, half woman, half goose, see Ridiculoso Sargozy taking himself so seriously that he has to eat an 8-course lunch every two hours, to give himself the energy to do it!'

'And our new star attraction, ladies and gentlemen, the Human Chameleon, Barack Obama! One minute black, the next minute white. Now African, then Hawaiian, even turning into an American before your very eyes. Against a war today, supporting that war tomorrow, left-wing radical before breakfast, right-wing conservative after lunch! Roll up, roll up!'

Journalists quickly took their seats as the circus began its afternoon show, and first on was the Human Reptile. Giving the audience a nauseating, creepy, slimy smile, the Reptile began talking about how pleased he was to be so grotesque and slippery and insincere, and the audience reached for their sick bags that came with their tickets, but luckily the Reptile's act was over quickly, and on came Sherpa Clinton.

'Let the sniping begin!', she bravely shouted, and the Circus's Croatian team of snipers began shooting at her, but with incredible agility she leapt this way and that, and wasn't hurt at all. To a big round of applause she left the tent, and the star attraction came in, and bowed to the audience to much cheering and grovelling from the drunken press.

'People of Britain', the Chameleon intoned in Clark Gablesque tones, that impressed even the watching Ridiculoso, for Obama was taking himself way too seriously, 'I come here to take myself, and my wife, and my country too seriously. Let me just say - and yes, like a chameleon I will change without warning into whatever I feel like being - that I was only elected as head chameleon by what now seems like, and we may say this like a Victorian statesman rather than the little boy I now look after the election, a country of idiots.'

'Ones that have elected Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan, and George W Bush, and now have me. People of the world, let's attack Iraq and wipe Afghanistan off the face of the world!', and giving the audience a Nazi salute the Chameleon left the stage.

One journalist wrote a brief review of the Circus's acts: 'Brown is so reptilian I nearly had to use my sick bag, a genuine freak you must come and see. And Sherpa's skill at escaping injury from gunfire is practically miraculous, almost as if she's not even in the same country as the snipers.'

'But as for the Human Chameleon, frankly I found him to be rather disappointing. OK, he changed from being a liberal peacelover into a mass-murdering warmongering fascist in a few seconds, but that was no real surprise. I would have been more impressed if he'd actually changed his words from meaningless, bland, empty drivel into words of substance and policies, but he didn't. Still, it's worth buying a ticket, even if just to laugh at Ridiculoso and Adolfia Merkel.'

BBC Barnum was seen hawking television licences at Shepherd's Bush market, to pay for his luxury holiday in the Maldives.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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