American President Barack Obama received a cultural shock today, when he found out that nobody in London cared he was there.
'You know', he said, 'I've gotten so used to being treated like a cross between Madonna and the Pope in America, I was kinda expecting thousands of cheering people waving Union Jacks and the stars and stripes, and taking my photo. Not a single person even noticed when I arrived, except for one old lady walking her dog, who muttered 'Isn't that Frank Bruno?' to herself.'
President Obama is treated like royalty in the USA, but he had obviously forgotten that not only do the British have real royalty, and have had so for about 1500 years, but that they also dislike celebrities, especially ones that act like celebrities in public.
'I guess I thought when Princess Diana died', he said, 'the hysterical British press reaction made me think the British were actually all like that. But I was being ignored so much here I took a ride on the Tube to see what would happen, and nobody even spoke to me. One old guy smelling of beer recognised me, but just rolled his eyes and fell back asleep, as if he was thinking 'An American President, so what?' Made me feel just a little unimportant.'
Whenever Barack Obama makes a speech he sounds like a mix of an evangelist preacher, John F Kennedy, Gary Cooper, and a slowed down and calmer Adolf Hitler - in other words he sounds ridiculous, saying nothing of meaning but in a tone as if he's delivering the Gettysburg address, but at the same time telling you to 'come forward and be healed, brother.'
This impresses nobody in Britain, especially in London where even Winston Churchill - one of the greatest politicians and speech makers in history - was openly heckled by the public when he visited bombed areas of that city.
Maybe the fact that over 45,000 Londoners were killed by rocket attacks alone, never mind German bombers, makes them a little sceptical about the leader of a country, which to this day is panicky about 3,000 New Yorkers dying in a similar fashion.
57,420 British soldiers died on the first day of the Battle of the Somme in 1916. Welcome to Britain, President Obama, your emperor's new clothes fool nobody in the United Kingdom. Britain invented the modern world. America invented the banjo.