BIRMINGHAM, Engand - (Satire News) - The mayor of the British city of Birmingham is one mad Brummie. Mayor Yvonne Lulu Mosquito, 57, said that London's Royal Fog Research Group polled close to one million residents of "The Land of The Beatles," an…
In a surprise move, the government, in conjunction with The Royal Family, have decided to ditch God Save The Queen at future sporting events and replace it with the cockney anthem: "Knees Up Mother Brown" It is thought that the government, and ind…
(NOT EDITED) Brit anthropologists are studying the gradual extinction a rather strange breed who once resided in the East End of London in an attempt to discover why they are gradually disappearing from the planet! Here are some explanations: C…
In a meeting today at City Hall, London Mayor Boris 'The Blade' Johnson unveiled his new and ambitious plan for Londoners all over the world, especially ex-pat cockney's living in Spain who are on the run from the short arm of the law. Boris, famo...
Former 80's darling of the dart board Eric Bristow has ended his stay in the jungle after viewers voted him out of ITV's seemingly never-ending 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!' Finishing a credible fourth, the former King of the oche was as b...
President Obama has had to undergo speech therapy after banging his head. White House officials said the temporary speech impediment will be rectified before he has to give a speech about the economy. An insider said that Obama became difficult to...
True Cockneys are boycotting the Olympic Games which are being held in their backyard because the signposts have not been printed in the local language! The signs have been written in English, French, German, Spanish, etc, but the Olympic organiso...
The Queen has decided that, to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee, she will revert to her natural speaking style for the day on June 4th. Although she usually affects a very precise BBC English accent, coming from the west end of London means she natur...
Despite her bumper haul of awards at last night's Grammy awards Americans are still confused about exactly where Adele is from. The confusion, although not affecting U.S sales of her album 21, is causing some Americans to question just how 'into'...
Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley and I sat silently, as we lurched along through the winter evening streets of London. We were sitting in a two-horse brougham opposite a Bolivian admiral who was on his way to the Annual Convention of Not Quite Correct Things, which is an event hosted by Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, and is a veritable Mecca to those with a penchant for the re...
Cockneys tell more lies than Scousers or Taffies, according to a local survey. The Londoners score an average of seven porkies a day, with Scousers achieving five and the hapless Taffies managing only four little fibs. Both the Cockneys polled...
UEFA Champions League - It's good news for London, but a disaster for Manchester, as both Manchester clubs - City and United - crashed out of the tournament, whilst Arsenal and Chelsea progressed to the knockout stages. City fanatic, Liam Gaggler,...
Scotland Yard reports that Bo-le of Glue thousand people 'ad been nicked - and more than Ca and Calf or 1,135 'ad been charged for riotin'. Of those charged, over 700 're guilty of speakin' Cockney Matheson Lang. Scotland Yard 'as also organized...
West Ham boss Avram Grant has come out in praise of Aloysius "Nosey" Parker, one of the best known characters in the TV puppet show, "Thunderbirds". 'When I was growing up in Israel, "Thunderbirds" was the most popular show on the box. Although mo...
For the first time ever a website has been given access to the AGM minutes of one of the oldest organisations in London.....the Cockney Rhyming Slang Club..... "John Taylor, the sitting Fun of The Fair, opened the Ronan Keating by thanking every Great North Run for making the Harry Lime to Richard Lumb. Loud Hailer advised that 2009/10 had been one of the most successful Blackpool Piers in t...
Allo! Me old china plates! wots bin apenin on the home frunt. Well, for a start, me old mans minces ave all gone to pot an he cant make his way down the frog to the rubba dub. Course, hes got the right ump, an given me muvva a bak ander. I've gandered it, an bosh! I've given him a clump on the loaf an ees gone darn like a sak of tom tit. While all this is gowin on, me skin an blister i...
Cockney market trader and pub patron, Gordon Gorblimey-Bennet, of Brick Lane, The East End, is the latest consultant to be drafted in by BP after several failed attempts to cap the catastrophic oil leak in the Gulf Of Mexico. GGB, as his mates dow...
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