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Funny satire stories about Cockneys

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Boris 'The Blade' Johnson - London Bridge Station to be Re-branded

Funny story: Boris 'The Blade' Johnson - London Bridge Station to be Re-branded

In a meeting today at City Hall, London Mayor Boris 'The Blade' Johnson unveiled his new and ambitious plan for Londoners all over the world, especially ex-pat cockney's living in Spain who are on the run from the short arm of the law. Boris, famo...

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Darts Legend Eric Bristow Thrown Out Of The Jungle

Funny story: Darts Legend Eric Bristow Thrown Out Of The Jungle

Former 80's darling of the dart board Eric Bristow has ended his stay in the jungle after viewers voted him out of ITV's seemingly never-ending 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!' Finishing a credible fourth, the former King of the oche was as b...

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President Obama undergoes Speech Therapy

Funny story: President Obama undergoes Speech Therapy

President Obama has had to undergo speech therapy after banging his head. White House officials said the temporary speech impediment will be rectified before he has to give a speech about the economy. An insider said that Obama became difficult to...

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Cockneys boycott Olympic Games!

Funny story: Cockneys boycott Olympic Games!

True Cockneys are boycotting the Olympic Games which are being held in their backyard because the signposts have not been printed in the local language! The signs have been written in English, French, German, Spanish, etc, but the Olympic organiso...

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Luverley Jubilee! We're gunna 'ave a right ol' royal knees-up dahn the palace!

Funny story: Luverley Jubilee! We're gunna 'ave a right ol' royal knees-up dahn the palace!

The Queen has decided that, to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee, she will revert to her natural speaking style for the day on June 4th. Although she usually affects a very precise BBC English accent, coming from the west end of London means she natur...

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Americans still unsure about Adele's nationality

Despite her bumper haul of awards at last night's Grammy awards Americans are still confused about exactly where Adele is from. The confusion, although not affecting U.S sales of her album 21, is causing some Americans to question just how 'into'...

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The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IV; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

Funny story: The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IV; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley and I sat silently, as we lurched along through the winter evening streets of London. We were sitting in a two-horse brougham opposite a Bolivian admiral who was on his way to the Annual Convention of Not Quite Correct Things, which is an event hosted by Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, and is a veritable Mecca to those with a penchant for the re...

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Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Funny story: Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more lies than Scousers or Taffies, according to a local survey. The Londoners score an average of seven porkies a day, with Scousers achieving five and the hapless Taffies managing only four little fibs. Both the Cockneys polled...

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Manchester 0 London 2 - Hovis Jugglers Gutted

Funny story: Manchester 0 London 2 - Hovis Jugglers Gutted

UEFA Champions League - It's good news for London, but a disaster for Manchester, as both Manchester clubs - City and United - crashed out of the tournament, whilst Arsenal and Chelsea progressed to the knockout stages. City fanatic, Liam Gaggler,...

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'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

Funny story: 'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

Scotland Yard reports that Bo-le of Glue thousand people 'ad been nicked - and more than Ca and Calf or 1,135 'ad been charged for riotin'. Of those charged, over 700 're guilty of speakin' Cockney Matheson Lang. Scotland Yard 'as also organized...

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Avram Grant Impressed By Parker Spirit

Funny story: Avram Grant Impressed By Parker Spirit

West Ham boss Avram Grant has come out in praise of Aloysius "Nosey" Parker, one of the best known characters in the TV puppet show, "Thunderbirds". 'When I was growing up in Israel, "Thunderbirds" was the most popular show on the box. Although mo...

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Cockney Rhyming Slang Club

Funny story: Cockney Rhyming Slang Club

For the first time ever a website has been given access to the AGM minutes of one of the oldest organisations in London.....the Cockney Rhyming Slang Club..... "John Taylor, the sitting Fun of The Fair, opened the Ronan Keating by thanking every Great North Run for making the Harry Lime to Richard Lumb. Loud Hailer advised that 2009/10 had been one of the most successful Blackpool Piers in t...

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The Cockney Eastend barrow boys Magazine

Funny story: The Cockney Eastend barrow boys Magazine

Allo! Me old china plates! wots bin apenin on the home frunt. Well, for a start, me old mans minces ave all gone to pot an he cant make his way down the frog to the rubba dub. Course, hes got the right ump, an given me muvva a bak ander. I've gandered it, an bosh! I've given him a clump on the loaf an ees gone darn like a sak of tom tit. While all this is gowin on, me skin an blister i...

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Cockney Market Trader Drafted In To Sort Out BP Oil Leak

Funny story: Cockney Market Trader Drafted In To Sort Out BP Oil Leak

Cockney market trader and pub patron, Gordon Gorblimey-Bennet, of Brick Lane, The East End, is the latest consultant to be drafted in by BP after several failed attempts to cap the catastrophic oil leak in the Gulf Of Mexico. GGB, as his mates dow...

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'Ello Me Cockney Sparrers This article will keep you on your Button and Bows.

Funny story: 'Ello Me Cockney Sparrers This article will keep you on your Button and Bows.

'Ello me old Mile Ends. Me Plates are sure giving me some Michael Caine. See I've just been t'see the Overcoat Maker coz me old mate went Radio Rental this morning and topped 'iself. Me old Trouble and Strife won't go to the funeral coz she's convinced he was a Dicky Dirt lifter. 'E did 'ave a Trouble and Strife and she 'as a decent pair of Bristols. She is a Widow Twankey but yer can't '...

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'Cockney London Black Cabs to be Phased Out by 2012'

Funny story: 'Cockney London Black Cabs to be Phased Out by 2012'

The Mayor of London's Transport Secretary, Kulveer Ranger, announced today plans to phase out the world famous Cockney Black Cab, citing the popular mode of transport, 'expensive and unintelligible' for a modern London. At a news conference, Mr.

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FSA To Regulate Rhyming Slang

Funny story: FSA To Regulate Rhyming Slang

In a shock announcement today the Financial Services Authority have advised the Monthly Cycle that they intend to regulate certain Cockney Rhyming Slang. The move comes on the back of the announcement by Satan's Bankers Barclays that their Fascist...

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Fear as Cockney Pandemic Sweeps UK

Funny story: Fear as Cockney Pandemic Sweeps UK

Large areas of East London remained cordoned-off today by the army and police. Elsewhere in the country, people from East London are being asked to make their way, silently, to rapidly constructed isolation centres. Medical experts and linguists...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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