It has been confirmed today that Ted Kennedy is to be knighted for services to car driving. In a controversial move Gordon Broon confirmed that the US senator was to be made a nit of the British Empire.
The award will be bestowed upon Kennedy during a ceremony at Chippaquiddick. The event will be attended by many famous politicians and celebrities. Simon and Garfunkel will perform "Bridge Over Troubled Water" in honour of the new Sir Ted.
There is much debate as to whether these awards have any relevance in modern society. The British Empire once stretched around the globe. Now you are a Knight of an area the size of Hemel Hempstead. However, some still believe that an award bestowed by the Queen counts for something.
Ted Kennedy was asked to comment. "I was not drunk. I did not drive carelessly. It was a long time ago."