Alex Salmond has announced that Scottish independence has been put on hold until such time that Andy Murray has received a knighthood for doing his job better than anybody else. "If Scotland seceded from the Union before the honours list," said Sa...
A Surrey nobleman had a disappointing night out during his first weekend visit to Manchester. Knight of the Realm Sir Alfred Prufrock ended up on the pavement outside the Toffzarowt Night Club. Sir Alfred went in all dressed up in his fancy ge...
The knighthood of RBS 'banker' Sir Fred Bad-Karma has sensationally moved back to its former home of Buckingtooth Palace. The move came around after a public outcry, namely a Mr Deesgusted from Tunbridge Wells, and the knighthood revealed to it's...
Arise Sir Bruce Of wig abuse And jokes so old They've all been told A thousand times By men of wit Though mostly shit Good game, good game Not really. But he can dance And he'll romance Ex beauty queens And if he means To cause offence He'll blame his age His life's a stage Higher, lower Joker The cards he's played The friends he's made For generations On TV stations He's...
Following years of dignified silence, Anthea Redfern, former wife of Sir Bruce Forsyth has confided in close friends that her marriage to Sir Bruce was "absolute hell." Redfern, who acted as Sir Bruce's assistant on the hit TV show 'The Generation...
Bruce Forsyth has managed to 'Beat the Clock'. He is soon to be 'Sir Bruce Forsyth' according to the latest on the Queen's Honour's list. It's hoped he will be able to 'stand up' unaided after kneeling before Her Majesty during the upcoming cerem...
In a radical shake-up of the traditional process for selecting the recipients of Knighthoods and other honours, the British public will now be invited to help decide. A telephone vote, much like the polls used by programs such as the X-Factor and St...
Enter Sir Wayne Rooney, the Queen has decided to give him a knighthood for his devoted services to Queen and country! Elizabeth, now entering a slightly demented phase in her life followed England's misfortunes on the telly against the old enemies...
Washington AC/DC - (Mary Jo Kopechne Ass Mess): Top IRA apologist and Kennedy brothers' assassination cover-up specialist Sen Ted Kennedy is to get a UK knighthood. A lifetime's dedication to forked tongue activities will see the wily old alkie re...
It has been confirmed today that Ted Kennedy is to be knighted for services to car driving. In a controversial move Gordon Broon confirmed that the US senator was to be made a nit of the British Empire. The award will be bestowed upon Kennedy duri...
London UK: In a quiet ceremony the Queen bestowed a Knighthood on Philbert of Macadamia. This Knighthood entitles him to all the lands and properties of his forebears. Following a small dinner party with the Royal Family, Sir Philbert retired to his...
The British Honours system was mired in scandal last night when it emerged the Queen bases her recommendation for titles on frivolous credentials and "personal whimsy". A leaked memo from Buckingham Palace revealed the shortlist for the 2009 New Y...
In recognition of her fabulous work serving the Labour Government, Gordon Brown has announced that Ruth Kelly will receive a knighthood, the first on his 2008 "Gordylist" for a New Year's Honour. Sir Ruth gains this second knighthood (to sit along...
Palmer-Violet Sing 61, from Birmingham, Alabama, USA is to be honored by the Queen for services to turban wearing, turban tying and being called Palmer-Violet Sing. "Chuckle Brothers Knighted For Being Brothers" In a new initiative by the gove...
It was revealed today that the Labour Party are preparing to announce the leadership battle that has long been anticipated. David Milliband and Gordon Brown will participate in jousting, crossbow target shooting and broad sword fighting to decide...
It has been revealed today that one of Britain's favourite and best-loved dysfunctional rock stars, John "Ozzy" Osborne, is to receive a KBE in this year's Birthday Honours list for his services to incredulity.
Bono has returned the honorary knighthood that was presented to him in Dublin just a few short months ago by the British Ambassador to Ireland in protest at what he called "Narrow minded, archaic, 18th century snobbery and ignorance" after...
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