Philbert of Macadamia Knighted by the Queen

Sunday, 1 February 2009

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London UK: In a quiet ceremony the Queen bestowed a Knighthood on Philbert of Macadamia. This Knighthood entitles him to all the lands and properties of his forebears. Following a small dinner party with the Royal Family, Sir Philbert retired to his recently purchased country estate located in Maidenhead, Surrey.

Reporters for the London daily tabloids first got wind of this pending story when an upstairs maid at Buckingham Palace leaked a tidbit to the press. The maid confided that "an urgent post had been sent from the palace to an American nutter residing in the USA to journey to London on a matter of grave importance."

When Philbert arrived at Heathrow Airport on American Airlines, the press was waiting at the British Airways Terminal. However, they caught up to him as he was about to take the Underground to the Edwardian Mayfair Hotel in the city. Philbert verified that "he was responding to a post from Buckingham Palace requesting that he be present forthwith."

Reporters pressed him further about the contents of the letter. Philbert explained that "a lost Roman stone fragment had been found in the British Museum behind a radiator." The tablet indicated that the first fortifications build in AD 75 across the width of Roman Britain under Agricola was a ditch to prevent military raids by the Pecan tribes (ancient inhabitants of Scotland). This boundary physically marked the frontier of the Empire. The land to the north was known as the Kingdom of Macadamia. (Hadrian's Wall came later in AD 122.)

Philbert said "he is an American whose modern ancestors migrated from Scotland to the English Colonies of North America in 1680. Their progeny later fought the Hessians with General George Washington at Trenton New Jersey in 1776. His mother Hazel used to tell him folk lore stories passed down the generations about his very ancient Macadamian ancestors, who were a bunch of nuts, and that he is their last male descendent." He added that "his 12 children are all girls, with his wife Almond expecting a baby boy any day now".

Sir Philbert is currently awaiting a decision from the British Prime Minister, Whitehall and Edinburgh as to whether he can pursue his case, about regaining portions of Scotland.

Meanwhile, the various headlines in the London daily tabloids and political journals, including the BBC, speculate as to what Sir Phibert is going to do; "New Monarchy possible in Scotland", Sir Philbert to Raise One Million Man Army", "Sir Philbert Go Home to the Red Indians", and "Sir Philbert to get Loch Ness in Exchange for Peace."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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