Doctors have slammed the British population today for being "fat, greedy, drunk layabouts". The news shocked many and there were instances of people falling off their sofa in shock.
The spread of obesity is causing concern. "I travel to work on the tube" said Dr W. Ho "How can I do this comfortably with all you fat bastards?"
The government is taking this problem seriously. A task force has been set up to encourage people to exercise more and follow a healthy diet. John Prescott has been placed in charge. "I've started eating low fat pies. And now I walk all the way from the house to the garage".
The BBC is to launch a new series highlighting the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. Jo Brand and Stephen Fry are to present the show.
A government spokesperson said "During the recession we need people to tighten their belts. So first they need to be able to tighten their belts".