Jesus Christ came back to life this Easter, but in Kentucky! And shortly thereafter, lo, the Lord was shot during another mass shooting in America. Everywhere around the world, they’re coming to America! The Lord and Savior of Nothing was tryin…
Easter Monday today saw Jesus Christ himself rise from the grave and release the longest theological fart in history … This of course happened in Israel, not Utah or wherever American evangelicals think Jesus was from. Bethlehem Palestine, not Bet…
That’s right, the Son of Jehovah has finally returned to save us all … again. Seems the first time didn’t work so well – in fact, some would say the world has become worse since Jesus stepped his holy foot on Earthly soil. Two thousand years of ge…
Although they were marketed as a sensational taste, Pesto Hot Cross Buns have not sold a single one, yet. Tracey Happenstance, who works in the local supermarket told us: 'It was one thing when Heinz made the mayonaise Hot Cross Bun, or when they…
A closely kept secret has been unveiled by a man who should know, Lucifer himself. Speaking to us earlier, Lucifer who now calls himself Derek said 'For years I have been putting every sin everyone has committed into Cadbury's Creme Eggs. That is…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J Trump has informed Vice-President Pence that even though the majority of the American people have called him crazy, he has decided to go ahead and hold the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. According to eye...
WARNING- Not for the religiously sensitive!!! God to the world- “He wasn't really my son! He was adopted!...................April Fool!” Jesus as he comes out of his tomb three days later- “That wasn't really me on the cross! It was some other guy I sold it to....................April Fool!” Judas to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane- “I didn't really turn you in. I just pretended to be...
Jerusalem, Israel - A highly successful Ancient Judean hoax is coming full circle this weekend according to the author of a book about Christian subjugation to Jewish ritual cannibalism during the dark daze of the Roman Plague. Former Chief Rabbis...
Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star rep...
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico - Seven-year-old Johnny Dorrey and his little sister, Brook, were on spring break vacation with their parents, at a fancy resort in Cabo this week, when they thought they saw a familiar face, sitting under a beach umbrella, enjoying the sun and surf while relaxing with a big Pina Colada. The two children couldn't believe their eyes, and they plucked up the courage to go...
My priest, Monsignor Felix Fyodore Ayonsokopsosky, told me I should give up Fox News for Lent. "You have been acting very strange lately, my son. You need to quit watching Fox News. You look terrible. You smell worse than terrible. You've become paranoid schizophrenic. It's made you a cave dweller," Monsignor Ayonsokopsosky told me after confession. "But Father Ayonsokopsosky, Fox News has b...
Supermarkets in Scunthorpe have taken everything from their shelves, leaving only Easter eggs, according to our Northern correspondent. Hospital A&Es are bursting at the seams with chocolate gorged fatties according to NHS sources. Scunthorpe off...
The Archbishop of Cranbury has called on couples not to be left behind in the post-Easter mad scramble for bathroom suites and fitted kitchens. Major furniture and bathroom superstores have announced that pre-Easter stocks are robust, but that the su...
The nation has collectively stated that it is willing to accept an additional holiday called 'Easter2' if David 'Jesus Jnr' Cameron is sacrificed. The holiday would officially give the public a day to reflect on all the vital work that the current...
After finding a pile of white Archbishop robes in a skip, clergy have announced that the Archbishop of Canterbury and the majority of Canterbury related bishopry have crossed to the dark side. The Archbishop, whose very existence might have been...
The Atheist Society of Great Britain today announced that it will be organising street parties nationwide throughout the Easter period. Atheist Society spokesperson B.L. Zebub explained why to the alcohol sodden Church of England press corps. "Wel...
Forget Jesus Christ and all religious distractions, forget family meals and get togethers, once again according to T.V. advertising it's time to buy expensive furniture. Here's our guide for everyone out there with no common sense: 1) Buy the largest sofa you can squeeze into your room. 2) Forget comfort and other considerations. 3) Buy Mail order if possible for a surprise factor. 4)...
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