Mosquitos Come Under Fire From Children's Group

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

image for Mosquitos Come Under Fire From Children's Group
Just look at these miscreants!

A children's group has called for the eradication of the Mosquito, saying it is grossly unfair to the young, and is indiscriminate in targeting them.

The Mosquito, a winged insect whose females suck the blood of other animals for a hobby, has been condemned by the Children's Commissioner for England, Sir Al Aynsley-Green, who said the parasite "infringes upon the rights of young people".

Mosquitos are responsible for the deaths of millions of people every year, a high percentage of whom are children, and stubbornly resist all laboratory-produced vaccines. They have also developed the ability to break through mosquito nets to stalk their unsuspecting quarry therein.

Sir Aynsley-Green, who loves all kids, even those with ASBOs, told the BBC:

"The wretched beasts also emit a high-pitched whine that disturbs only young people aged 20 or under, and sends them scattering for cover. It's a disgrace."

Mosquito supporters, though, disagree with the demented Sir Al. One, shopping centre manager Alan Hitler, of the Bullring in Birmingham, spoke out against children when he said:

"They congregate in doorways, in dark recesses, and on the balconies and walkways upsetting customers and storeworkers alike. They're a bloody nuisance! Personally, I advocate the use of more mosquitos, despite their incessant buzzing."

Mosquito inventor, Howard Stapleton, has come under fire from Liberty director Shami Chakrabarti who, despite her appearance, is a woman. Said she:

"Imagine the tremendous outcry there would be if such an animal were used to cause discomfort to people based on race."

Mr Stapleton is currently working on a new development.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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