Written by Kid Savage

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

image for Clinton bumps manager, will grind out campaign

Hillary Clinton replaced campaign manager Patti Solis Doyle on Sunday after what insiders called the Pantsuit Debacle.

"She's out of step with the country," one Clinton aide said. "She's got Hillary wearing dowdy clothes thinking the candidate is going to appeal to professional women, moms and middle America. But what middle America wants is a pin-up girl.

"Look at the MTV Generation. It wants hotsy-totsy."

But Doyle didn't just make fashion faux paxs. Her strategic moves were also called into question, such as sending Clinton to campaign in Guam, the Virgin Islands and Kentucky while all the recent primary action has been in California, New Jersey, Illinois and Georgia. Her absence in states that actually held primaries could account for rival Barack Obama's sudden surge to the front for Democratic presidential delegates.

Clinton's longtime aide Maggie Williams took over for Doyle and immediately went into media-feeding overdrive, dropping items in tabloids about "Hillary hookups," and "Bossing-up Bill." The stories will get play in new arenas, such as grocery store checkout lines.

Williams also intends for Clinton to get breast augmentation to create a buzz in cleavage-obsessed Hollywood. Tattoos are being considered as well.

Pantsuit Gazette, meanwhile, issued a statement hoping that the Clinton campaign will not opt for a "dolly-looking" Hillary and stay the course with pantsuits, a decision that has served her career well up to this point, the editor-in-chief said. Williams indicated that Clinton's pantsuit days are over.

"If anyone in the family is going to wear pantsuits in the future, it'll be Bill," said Williams with a wink toward the transgender and crossdresser voting blocks.

Williams also hopes to counter Obama's hot-selling book, "The Audacity of Hope," with a videoclip comedy takeoff on Clinton's earlier effort "It Takes a Village," destined for YouTube.

"We're calling it, 'It Takes a Village Idiot,' and we want Rosie O'Donnell to play the lead," Williams said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hillary Clinton

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