In the dried-up crusty lining of an old New York theatre seat, scientists have discovered a mosquito perfectly preserved in a globule of petrified spunk. Incredibly, the mosquito had bitten a pervert in the cinema, and scientists were able to extract...
A man, sat minding his own business, and not being a bother to anybody, was the victim of a bloody attack last night, and was forced to carry out an execution. Moys Kenwood, 55, was sitting in his chair, typing out a spoof story on his telephone,...
A man who went to wash his hands in a wash basin was surprised to find a mosquito, apparently sleeping but, on closer inspection, the malaria-spreading killer creature turned out to have expired. Moys Kenwood, 55, was rinsing his hands to rid them...
One very odd and disturbing thing I noticed while living in Taiwan as an overseas teacher is that all the mosquitos there were extremely intelligent. They would carefully strategize how and when they were going to sting you. I had worked at a summer camp in the United States before, so I knew the absolute hell they could wreak on a person's nerves. All of the American mosquitos at summer camp...
THIBODAUX, Louisiana - A Louisiana game warden, John Claude Du Croissant has reported finding a ginormous mosquito in a bayou just outside of the town of Thibodaux. The town of Thibodaux is noted for having the best crawfish étouffée in the entire...
The Queen, Prince Philip, and several other high ranking members of the Royal Family remain trapped in Buckingham Palace today after coming under attack by millions of fleas and mosquitoes in the early hours of this morning. The bloodsucking pests...
Arizona - Sunday UPDATE - According to local reports in Mesa, AZ, the toxins were administered via truck early Sunday morning. In addition to the stray cats and mosquitoes that were killed, the occasional unaware pedestrian was sprayed. Of cour...
Mosquitoes hiding out at a swamp next to an Englishman's Bangkok apartment have claimed that their livelihood is being threatened by the man's state of mind, and the tendency he currently has for playing 'sad music'. The man concerned, Moys Kenwoo...
Scientists from Harvard and Boston have announced a potential breakthrough in the fight against malaria. This has resulted in yet another 'proof' of 'evolution' being consigned to a toilet which is by now needing a good rodding out. Scientists...
Bethesda Maryland - Dr. Whineez, of a secret lab here, believes he is able to change the DNA of wild mosquitoes in order to end malaria. In his lab, he made a gene invade an entire controlled population of mosquitoes, by just starting with one 'in...
A mosquito that bit the leg of an English teacher working in the Thai capital of Bangkok HAS NOT infected the poor bugger with malaria, it has been reported. Or, at least, the symptoms have not yet shown themselves... Moys Kenwood, originally fro...
We've all experienced that high-pitched whine at night - no, not the neighbour's frantic lovemaking, but something equally irritating at 4am. The sound of a well-fed mosquito. Every year, millions of humans are bitten by these bloodthirsty suckers...
Cheryl Coal has sensationally refused to see estranged husband Ashlee after he attempted contact during her recent near death illness from malaria. Ashlee made several attempts to gain access to her chambers. He began by 'phoning her on her mobile...
Taipei - (Deep Throat News): The pesky gnat that caused so much trouble to the UK national treasure finally met its match yesterday. China Television Co anchor Huang Ching had just been reading an update on Ms Cole's malaria recovery when her pret...
Scientists at the Manual Noriega Malaria Research Institute in Panama City, Panama spend all their time chasing information about female mosquitoes while the male mosquito is virtually ignored. The mosquito research tabulates massive data about the...
LONDON - Derek Hough, boyfriend of Cheryl Cole, gave her a bit of good news when he informed her in her hospital room that he has been told by the government of Tanzania that the mosquito which stung Ms. Cole has been found and squashed by a leader o...
A campaign website driven by the passion of it's donors who donate money to buy mosquito nets for the African child, has reported in a finding that in most instances the nets are cut into 4 by 6 and 10 by 10 pieces to be used respectively by childre...
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