Lighter Rape Sentences To 'Reflect The Seriousness Of The Crime' Says Straw

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Tuesday, 23 October 2007

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No, No! NO!... Oh, go on then, but wait till I've finished me burger!

Former Home Secretary Jack Straw has doused himself in controversy once more by announcing new plans to reduce sentences for the offence of Rape.

Currently, British judges can order jail terms of anything up to life imprisonment for statutory rape, but Mr Straw has told the Commons that the ambiguity surrounding rape needs to be cleared up.

Speaking earlier on the BBC, Mr Straw said:

"Rape is a funny old crime, isn't it? We can't really be sure whether the alleged victim actually meant 'No!' or whether that person meant 'Go faster!', can we?"

Several ministers on the Opposition bench fainted, and even PM Gordon Brown was seen to fidget in his seat.

The MP for Blackburn then suggested that, even if it was proved a defendant had committed rape, the sentence should be far lighter than it is at the moment, bearing in mind that both parties were 'having a good time', and that nobody had been hurt.

Mr Straw, 81, is recovering at home with a nice cup of cocoa.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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