MPs question cash for honours cops - Baron Plod goes first

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

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Were bribery cops nobbled? Former DAC John Yates, now the Duke of Westminster, says no.

A police officer involved in the "cash for honours" bribery scandal, Baron (formerly Detective Sergeant) Plod of the Sergeants Room, has been giving evidence to the House of Commons Public Administration Select Committee about why the 16 month long police investigation ended abruptly with nobody being prosecuted.

Members of the Select Committee are said to be frustrated at the fact that their own investigation into bribery allegations had yielded to a police investigation that had apparently fizzled out. Paul Rowen, a Liberal Democrat MP on the committee, wrote on his website:

"There are plenty of questions that need to be answered."

Baron Plod told the Select Committee:

"I was proceeding in a southwesterly direction along High Holborn when a Jaguar motor car pulled up at the kerb, two men alighted and I was asked if I would drop the investigation in return for the contents of his brown paper bag, which, on closer inspection, turned out to be a wad of cash and a hereditary title."

His boss, Deputy Assistant Commissioner John Yates, now the Duke of Westminster, will give evidence tomorrow, followed by the head of the Crown Prosecution Service's special crime division, formerly Mrs and now Lady Carmen Dowd. Both have already denied any impropriety.

A former policeman told our reporter:

"Officers carrying out search warrants raided Labour and Conservative Party buildings across London last year, but they went in as police officers and emerged as members of the aristocracy. There's no doubt they've been nobbled. I was myself offered a peerage but I turned it down. The next day, I lost my job."

The inquiry continues.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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