The age of abortion is to be raised to seventeen it was happily announced today by leading political 18 year old David Millipede. Unwanted teen 'mistakes' can now be rectified by getting a registered GP to back over him/her in a four door Mark 2 Honda Accord.
Queues have snaked for 'literally' lots of miles outside surgeries today as anxious and weather-beaten mothers stand gin-soaked and abusive in the rain for a chance to terminate the Chanels', the Mercedes' and the numerous Daz/Waz/Baz/Gaz mutant offspring they helped spawn.
GPs have called the scheme 'ace' and 'surprisingly rewarding' despite the government's spiralling petrol costs.
Schools are running 'self-abortion' clinics for pimply prepubescents willing to make the decision for their 'unsure' spineless guardians. Teens who see themselves as 'unwanted' or 'bastards' can choose to administer their own lethal injections or suffocate themselves inside military issue 'terma-helmets'.
The government is relying heavily on young, inner city, gun wielding hell youths to voluntarily abort themselves in order to keep the death toll down.
It's been hailed as the most radical landmark policy since Margaret Thatcher banned equality in the 40s. The long term effects of the scheme will be discovered after a long term.
