(Worthington, Minnesota) Vegans around the country joyously celebrated today as JBS, the world’s largest producer of certified dolphin-free beef and heart-healthy pork and pork by-products, shuttered its largest production facility in the U.S. this w...
Activists at UC Berkeley celebrated this evening after silencing a popular political commentator born with the inability to speak words. The students, who form the collective known as “Socialists Hindering Interpersonal Transgressions”, or more co...
"Fore skin and several shears ago, our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nat...
An animal rights activist is recovering in the psychiatric wing of the local hospital after cutting off her own arm and eating it. The patient, who asked to remain anonymous, said she just wanted to know what suffering animals go through. The...
[PP]- A group of vandals broke into a factory which manufactures health supplies and created a bandage large enough to fit around the entire globe. The World Activist Front takes credit for this stunt, saying that the world is sick and someone mu...
New York - Animal activists came one step closer to ridding Central Park of the carriage horse trade, proposing a variety of new employment opportunities in other fields for the equines. "It's all about jobs and the dignity of work for these noble...
New York, N.Y. - The Association of Cookware and Bakeware Manufacturers lost one of their giants last month. Allen Spencer was a key mover and shaker in the industry that helped turn kitchenware into something that made a house a home. In a soon to b...
The nation is mourning the loss of another great artist today, religious satirist and activist Fred Phelps Sr. Phelps, known for his sarcastic and over-the-top "sermons" had been battling several ailments, but the cause of death has not been released...
Tucson AZ: Acme Robotics Inc. (ARI) a company that specializes in biotechnology, robotics and artificial intelligence applications announced the development of androids for home and business applications. The two male and female android prototypes...
Whacktivists are to undertake the largest campaign in misguided cause history, as they fight to save a London woman from being denied her rights in marriage. "This perhaps one of the gravest injustices of the past twenty minutes," sobbed national...
Astrid Newspock, International Director of the Persons for Exploitative Treatment of Activists (PEToA), has ramped up their exploitation of any one they damned-well please by opening the Megan Kanka Memorial Hospital for Dogs in Philadelphia, Pa.
In a new campaign to get automobiles to share the road, Catholic sisters are marching side by side in city streets to proclaim: "Nuns are traffic, too!" The movement, dubbed "Critical Mass, Novus Ordo," was inspired by a similar movement initiate...
BOSTON, Massachusetts - Facing a double digit drop in sales, the boiling-mad chief executive of America's predominant tea purveyor has filed a suit aimed at tea party protesters on the grounds of misrepresentation. Craig Lipton said his family sta...
Washington DC: The passage of federal health care reform legislation has made left wing activist groups realize that any increased costs incurred by the taxpayers for health care will decrease their own revenue intake. A survey indicated that vari...
With climate guru Al Gore's announcement at the Copenhagen Climate Summit that there would be no Arctic ice within five years, a group of hardy environmentalists put together a crash program to save the polar bears. The Generous Environmentalists...
New York City, New York - At a press conference held today, spokesperson Andy Bitchbum of the activist group Yes Men, admitted that they are a group of losers. "Basically we're spoiled children", he said. "From upper middle class and upper class...
The 3rd annual Dunce Pride Parade was held yesterday in Stillwater, Oklahoma. Dunces from across the United States and around the world convened to celebrate dunce pride. "We are here to say that we are dunces and we are proud", said forty-s...
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