Today, it was announced that deputy PM and happy shopper lard spokesman John Prescott was named "World's Fattest Northerner", beating Cyril Smith, Chubby Brown and a capsized blue whale found near Barnsley.
The spokesman for the award Paul Blubass had this to say: "People need to understand that fat people aren't just there for us to laugh at and prod any more. We want to make sure that they're awarded for being fat instead of ridiculed."
Prescott has yet to make any statement on his prestigious win.
Next week sees the "The Bearded Idiot Awards", in which Noel Edmonds expects to claim his fourth award in a row. He will be facing stiff competition from Gerry Adams and a bearded lady called Brian.