Fat People Rise Up in Fury at Fat People Jokes

Funny story written by The Vicar of Basildon

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

image for Fat People Rise Up in Fury at Fat People Jokes
"Where's that goddamn delivery of Lard Pies? I haven't eaten for seconds!"

FALMOUTH, MA - 19/06/07. Fatties across the world have risen up in anger at the constant jokes made about their chunky stature. The wobbly food scoffers have put down their KFC buckets to speak out against the humour often aimed at their lardy bellies. It's called the 'Pride in Pork' campaign.

"I've had enough," exclaimed overweight Pole Dancer, Pearl Pukkapie. "We do not eat Lard for breakfast, Elephants for Lunch and Planets for Supper!"

Popular target, John Prescott also added his weight to the argument.

"Ever since I were a Lad I've 'ad to soofer jokes abowt me weight. I don't survive on a diet of Tesco Value Pies and doughnuts. I don't even like doughnuts - I prefer Lard Butties."

Humour sites, such as TheSpoof.com, have also noticed a trend towards low-scoring articles about our obese comrades.

Spokeswoman Dr. Gillian McKeith commented, "Everyone's always one cup-cake away from being obese, but there's something about fat people that makes me giggle. I think it's that they look like Free Willy when they swim."

When interviewing well-known celebrities they too saw humour in ridiculing our porcine friends.

"Fat people are just gross fat pigs!" said Political nemesis, Jeremy Paxman.

"When Fat people pass wind you lose days off your life if you're caught in the updraft! It's a scientific fact!" said Doctor David Bellamy.

Still it seems as though our greedy chums are fighting back with their campaign.

Stay-at-home mother of twelve, Patsy Pepperoni said: "I've submitted an article to Heat magazine explaining how seeing skinny celebrities eat one lettuce leaf a year makes me sick - and is helping me lose weight. I'm down to thirty cheeseburgers a day now."

Sales of 'Billy Bunter' novels and 'Fat Love' Adult DVDs have also increased as a direct result of the new Pride in Pork campaign.

As this story went to press, a score of only one star was expected as the flabby fightback continued.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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