Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

image for Prescott suffering from paranoia
Prescott is said to be dillusional and suffering seizures from seeing too much of the swastika Olympic logo

Whitehall - (Ass Mess): UK Deputy Prime Monster John Prescott is suffering from paranoia and will remain hospitalised for the forseeable future according to a statement from his orifice.

The 69-year-old has been moved to a high-dependency delusional unit after telling doctors they must unshackle hi so he can fly to the G8 Summit in Germany tomorrow.

Prescott was seized by London cops on Saturday when he fell off a train in Hull and claimed to have just ridden the winner of the Epsom Derby.

His friends have told BBC News that Mr Prescott is conscious, delusional and psychotic but apart from that 'absolutely 100% top-ho!'

A hospital source said today that Prescott had tried sitting up to dictate a statement about his illness but was so utterly bonkers that the orderlies had to hose him down with a higher dose of anti-psychotics before anybody could be allowed in the room with him.

It is thought he was moved to the high dependency unit owing to his insistence on flying to the G8 tomorrow 'to rescue Europe from that madman Putin'

Last week, Mr Prescott returned from a tour of the US and the Caribbean, where he visited Jamaica and Barbados.

Customs officers seized a number of packages in his luggage which have been og a highly toxic, narcotic nature and possibly responsible for his current condition.

A hospital spokesman said today: "Many different bacteria, viruses and even fungi can bring on the condition, as can ganja weed, 95% pure cocaine and other substances that we found in his luggage."

Tomorrow's Deputy Prime Monster's Question Time in Parliament will now be cancelled according to a Whitehall source.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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