Written by Shaun Ferguson

Friday, 15 June 2007

image for John Prescott Centre Stage
Prezza - rings his mum to tell her the news

Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is retiring from politics to take up a new career on stage.

He has announced that his first role will be the part of Augustus Gloop in a stage adaptation of Roald Dahl's tale Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.

Theatrical impresario Cameroon Raincoat who is producing the show said the character of the lard-arse chocolate guzzling freeloader "could have been written for him".

John "twojags-and-countless-grace-and-favour-houses" Prescott is also considering a number of other offers, including the leading role in a new version of Billy Bunter at the Blackpool Hippodrome and a spectacular tribute show planned to open next year at the Hammersmith Arena in memory of the much loved Mama Cass.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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