The Duke of Sussex, in his latest book, entitled Harry Wales, the Prisoner of Buckingham Palace, reveals his tormented life in England. He details how he was made to sleep under the stairs, didn’t get fed enough and had to answer to an angry father who never hugged him and a brother and future king who regularly beat him.
The death of his beloved mother, believed to have been caused by the Evil Paparazzi, whom Harry has since fought outside night clubs in London, devastated him and made him drink excessively, snort cocaine, shag lots of women, beat up the aforementioned journalists, and dress up as a Nazi, though he also blames the last bit on his brother for not telling him that dressing up as a Nazi was wrong.
Despite all of this, he was still able to represent his house and his country in Invictus games and to fight against Evil Talibani, many of who he “took off the chess board” (his official score is 25 and he dares his brother to reveal his score).
Fortunately, Harry found Meghan, who opened his eyes to how he was a victim, and found a great way to get back at his family for how they have mistreated him, by introducing him to Oprah Dumbledore, and making tons of money at the same time.
A Royal insider commented, “What does he think the rest of us are? Muggles?”