The Secrets of Companies that are Great at Firing

Written by C/L

Wednesday, 8 May 2019

image for The Secrets of Companies that are Great at Firing
Another great way to cut to the chase, and shit-can an undesirable asshole.

Ineffectual companies always hire large numbers of incompetent employees.

One of the oldest corporate lies is that people are the most important of assets. If that were true, companies wouldn't have to assess why their hiring practices fail at recruiting decent people. Although a third of American companies don't give a shit about their recruitment process working, they are extremely proud about their process of firing employees.

Companies admit that they don't monitor the effectiveness in the hiring process, because monitoring an employee's performance statistics is difficult. They're lazy!

It's too expensive to babysit employees to see how well they're doing.

Two simple secrets allow for monolithic and ineffective corporations to deal with their lazy, hiring mistakes: Check how many stupid things newly-hired workers are up to in their private lives on-line. Are there videos of individuals masturbating at a Rave, or angrily discharging a firearm at a trashy family gathering? This simple secret police-style search could save you a lot of headaches. Also, ask a hiring supervisor whether or not they think a new hire is a fuck-head. Another great way to cut to the chase, and shit-can an undesirable asshole.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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