Under a new agreement with NASA, any asylum seekers crossing the English Channel will be detained on the Moon at an estimated cost of £10 million per person.
The new rules apply to anyone arriving by sea - whether in a dinghy, a P&O Ferry or the Eurostar (which is to be renamed the Brexitstar). Suspected foreigners who are unable to show a British passport and recite the list of all Queen Victoria's children in order of birthdate will be put on the next rocket to the Moon.
Home Secretary Priti 'Cruella' Patel, who came up with the plan, said that it would stop the people smuggling gangs. "These so-called refugees pay lots of money to cross the Channel. But if we ship them to the Moon after they arrive, then they'll realise that money was spent in vain. It'll really hurt the people smugglers. I do the same thing with my local dog shelter by buying puppies and throwing them in the river - they'll be out of business in no time."
The rules will not apply to Ukrainian refugees, although the government did not explain why. Angry Tory voter Geoff Ing from Epping said, "These bloody people come over here, fleeing war and oppression, taking our fruit picking jobs that nobody else wants. It really makes me mad. The Moon's too good for them. If it was up to me I'd be looking at Uranus."
Asylum seeker Wadama Doinhere said, "I fled from war in Rwanda two years ago and I'm still waiting for my asylum claim to go through. I hear the Moon is lifeless, freezing cold and has no atmosphere at all, so it's not very different from Dover."
