WATERLOO, Iowa – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of Ukraine state that tens of thousands of it’s citizens are leaving the country post-haste due to the Russian invasion, as well as the spider monkey infestation.
One report stated that three planes loaded with a total of 907 refugees left the war-torn country and are headed for Waterloo, Iowa.
The Mayor of Waterloo, Buck “Bucky” Clark, who is part Ukrainian, said that his city will welcome the 900 refugees, as if they were residents of neighboring Nebraska.
Mayor Clark commented that he has talked to a dozen or so fast food restaurants and they will be providing up to 65 jobs for Ukrainian teenage refugees.
Clark also said that he will personally hire a refugee to be his gardener, one to be his upstairs maid, and one to drive his wife, Sonya, to and from the nail salon, the hair salon, and the bikini wax salon.
SIDENOTE: The local Victoria’s Secret store will be donating some of their clearance bin items to the female refugees; including nursing bras, thigh-high stockings, skimpy bikini swimsuits, and crotchless panties.
