PM plays down No.10 lockdown orgy furore: Staff only fondled using socially distanced hands on springs, says Johnson

Funny story written by Danny Soz

Tuesday, 25 January 2022

image for PM plays down No.10 lockdown orgy furore: Staff only fondled using socially distanced hands on springs, says Johnson
'It was like this hand but they were on springs'

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson was at the centre of another #Partygate storm last night as former key advisor, Dominic Cummings, told The Times newspaper that a Roman-style orgy was held at Ten Downing Street during the height of the 2020 lockdown.

Cummings claims that up to 100 guests, including the prime minister and his wife, romped naked while caterers hired by Number 10 passed around cheese and wine along with condoms and various sex toys.

In a no-holds-barred interview, Cummings claims: ‘It was like a Roman orgy in there, to be honest.

‘I saw Cabinet ministers and parliamentary private secretaries going at it full pelt on the carpet and tables.

‘At one point, I saw Jacob Rees-Mogg, who was dressed as a 19th century serving wench, being pleasured by Brexit hardman, Steve Baker and his missus.

‘When he shot his bolt, he started bawling out the national anthem in Latin.

‘I didn’t take part myself as my eyesight was playing up quite badly and I didn’t want to end up bumming one of the chaps by mistake.

‘I can tell you that people were going at it hammer and tongs, especially the Prime Minister and Carrie, and that after everyone had gone home, there was spadge and fanny batter everywhere, including all up the walls’

The Prime Minister, strongly refuted the claims last night: ‘There was a small, work-based gathering which I attended for no more than ten minutes.’ he told the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg.

‘There may have been some raucous horseplay after I left, during which, exhausted, hardworking staff let off a bit of steam, but I’ve been assured that any sexual contact was carried out using hands on springs in complete adherence to the distancing guidelines and that nobody actually got their end away, particularly me.’

This latest revelation comes just two weeks after, diminutive, far-right, Tory backbencher, Mark Francois, was censured by the 1922 Committee for appearing in a lurid dwarf porn video, filmed during Prince Philip’s funeral at Windsor Castle last April.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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