Boris Johnson has been embattled ever since the revelation that he attended a Downing Street staff party, in defiance of his own lockdown orders. Since then he has been labeled a hypocrite and worse. Many are even calling for the leader's resignation. Yet anyone expecting him to apologize will be extremely disappointed. Johnson isn't apologetic. In fact, he's downright defiant.
It became obvious Johnson wasn't going to handle the situation in an orthodox fashion when he showed up at a highly anticipated lunchtime showdown this week in Parliament.“I have learned enough to know there were things we simply did not get right and I must take responsibility," Johnson spoke, seeming grave enough at first before he continued, "and my only responsibility is to booze up and party down!" With that, colorful streamers, many of them pink or neon, feel from the rafters as heretofore unnoticed speakers abruptly blared out "Get Ready for This," the classic party jam from 2 Unlimited. Most onlookers could barely believe their eyes.
Labour Party leader Keith Starmer, one of Johnson's fiercest critics, could be seen yelling at Boris to resign, or trying to, having little success above the blaring noise. As the music segued into another danceable hit, this one from the C+C Music Factory, Boris began throwing off his coat and tie. Most lawmakers were scrambling to the exit at this point, fearful of what he might remove next.
Luckily most had left the building by the time Boris' antics came to their most embarrassing moment, as the increasingly unsteady Prime Minister, heavily inebriated from several bottles of champagne, stumbled to a corner and had a whiz on an ermine coat that appeared to be borrowed from The House of Lords.
After this sorry display, it came as no surprise when Starmer, shaking his head sadly, said said Johnson was "a man without shame."
By now Boris has few defenders left, even in his own Party. One of the few still defending the Prime Minister is Tory MP Lee Anderson, awkwardly fumbling for kind words too say about his colleague. "What can you say about Boris?" Anderson asked. "The man loves a good party, and I'm not talking about the Conservative Party." But another Tory, MP William Wragg, was less confident in the leader's ability to continue: "The man's got mad, there's no denying it. He's simply out of control. A party animal is one thing, but this man is a party monster."
It seems the party never ends in Boris World. Not only does Boris say he has no plans to apologize, he has no plans to stop partying either. "Nonstop partying day and night," he says, "that's the agenda. This will make Downing Street look like nothing." He's even confirmed the rumour that he's planning a new concert megaevent in flagrant defiance of lockdown rules, to be called COVIPALOOZA, in tasteless reference to the coronavirus. "The kids are going to love it," he says. "No one can put on a party like me. I'm going to get all kinds of big stars to attend. Eric Clapton and Van Morrison have already agreed."
Boris has little to say with regards to his recent partying spree or to the Downing Street affair that started it all. He nonchalantly speaks, "One has regrets and certain things should have been handled differently. With hindsight, I should have ordered more hookers and cocaine."
