TV guide - 9 Oct 2021

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 9 October 2021

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Today's guide is provided for the Braille Television Network

6:00. Paintless. The quiz show where the winner is the one with the least paint on them. How much of a mess will this week's contestants make?

7:00. Strictly Come Lancing. The contestants reveal their boils for the judges.

8:00. Great Incontinental Rail Journeys. This week, the train from Frankfurt is delayed because the driver is unable to complete his bowel movements. Michael Portillo attempts to manufacture a laxative from amyl nitrate.

8:30. Ainsley's Cockbook. Ainsley Harriot shows us some of the delicious treats he's whipped up over the last year.

9:00. GödelBox. The television viewers are baffled by the incompleteness theorem of mathematics.

10:00. Lager...with Jools Holland. The ageing pianist samples Fosters direct from the Heineken brewery in Manchester.

11:00. Film: The Hound of Music (1965). Alsatian Hans escapes from the Nazis through the hills to Switzerland with his talented howling.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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