The News the non News and more!

Funny story written by Herrdoktorfox

Thursday, 17 June 2021

image for The News the non News and more!
A GB News reporter limbers up prior to her assignment

Having launched with a bang (they had only just met) GB News arrived on our screens on, June 13th 2021 and with any luck at all will vanish by June 30th 2021.

What promised to be a breath of fresh air within the world of news has quickly sunk to the level of a pair of soiled knickers, thanks in no small part to the biggest collection of noncharismatic presenters this side of the black stump!

Beaming from ear to ear like a deluded geriatric Cheshire cat gin soaked Andrew Neil kicked off the soon-to-be shitstorm by way of introducing the motley bunch of non-celebrity presenters, most of whom looked grateful for any sort of employment.

Transmitting, from what one must assume is a disused shipping container, each individual then appeared to take it in turns as to who could shout the loudest.

Winner hands down in this area was Michelle Dewberry with a grating voice that would melt ear wax at 2,000 yards and awaken the dead.....in a crematorium....after the bloody cremation!

She was closely followed by Dan Wooton....who you may ask?.....who sports the sort of fizzhog house bricks were designed to be thrown at....and is a natural if they ever remake 'Jaws'

The rest of the line up beggers belief, a handful of has-been reporters, a couple of females with unpronounceable monikers and the usual bevy of eye candy some with mangled dialects, to keep the day time male population remotely interested assuming they turn on the subtitles that is!

Any and all news, such as it is, consists of mainly local yokel stuff yet deemed important enough to send the afore mentioned eye candy on walkabouts to report on and interview anything that might move and/or be able to string a sentence together.

Not without its initial teething problems...and lord knows they have plenty of them still.....GB News struggles on bravely day by day, hour by hour with endless yada yada yada and non stop verbal Diarrhoea....all delivered at screech level in order to keep viewers awake.

In closing, a special mention regarding those decorative 'lanterns' adorning the ceiling above the news desk, a reliable source informs me that Andrew Neil got a job lot from a chap named D.Trotter for £9.99....bargain!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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