While UK tabloids search desperately for sensational headlines to boost their Easter readership, Jaggedone's CIA HQ, located under a bridge in Amsterdam, have no problem because sewage floats constantly past their front door!
Here for Good Friday, and the Easter period, are the stinking headlines Jaggedone's CIA star reporters scurrying in sewer pipes under the Rijksmuseum have managed to rescue from the back of huge floating turds abandoned by UK tabloids and broadsheets in the EU because they are too near the truth!
Daily Star reported a massive polar freeze is heading towards the UK, luckily, the only frozen thing heading towards the UK is a batch of vaccines, Made in the EU, nicked from under Ursula von der Leyen's nose!
Daily Express sport-reporter morons are predicting that an 'Ice Cold Nordic Warrior' is also heading towards UK shores! However, Ole Solskjaer, refuses to go in meltdown on constant questions referring to his blond, blue-eyed prodigal son, it could pump his transfer price up even higher!
The Times offer a more serious look at the terrible state the globe is in and nearly published a female Romanian Medium's prediction that Muslims will take over Europe in 5 years! To counteract that, they said Trump has applied for British citizenship. He will take over from Johnson, offering him £200 million for the pleasure, declare war on the UK Muslim fraternity, and build a wall along the Dover Straits to stop illegal Muslims entering his beloved UK!
Daily Mail secretly reported that the Royal family will have Prince Harry cloned! The clone will only be allowed to marry a white Caucasian European royal. As for the real Harry, he will spend the rest of his life exiled on the Falkland Isles with his missus wearing an iron mask. His daily task will be feeding penguins, not talk-show hosts. As for his missus, she will spend the rest of her days with Harry gagged and locked up in stocks until she learns to speak correct English!
The Sun, always good for a laugh, reported that vaccinations in the UK are far better than the German ones the UK nicked, jawohl. Their front page had a middle-finger poking towards Angie Merkel in Berlin who pathetically apologised to the German public for cocking the vaccination process up. Nigel Farage, after reading the headline, wanked off until Jesus was declared dead on Good Friday!
Die Bild Zeitung (German Tabloid) ignored The Sun's headline and wanked off after Germany lost to Macedonia. Bundestrainer, Loewe, shook his wig in anger!
Jaggedone's CIA HQ is so full of passing shit it has been declared a 'Hot Spot' until the tabloid virus blows over.
