Sniffing under the counters of newsagents can be quite exciting, especially when Jaggedone sends his CIA,' Cockroach Infiltration Army' undercover reporters all over the UK to find out the latest sleaze offerings which the UK public loves to read; here are your pungent headlines:
Daily Star: Hollywood's ex-boob sensation, Pamela Anderson, has had her left boob successfully lifted by a JCB! However, removing ageing silicone proved to be a slippery challenge!.
The Currant Bun sports headline: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been sacked by Manchester United because he has purchased a house in Liverpool!
Express: Boris Johnson is God because he saved the UK from helping Italy, Spain and Greece from bankruptcy!
Daily Mirror: Boris Johnson is an anti-EU ratbag because EU nations are helping each other to get over the coronavirus crisis and the UK slithered out the back door just in time!
Metro: Has anyone seen May, Cameron or Farage, on their holidays in sunny Tuscany, Italy? If yes, wave the EU flag in front of their noses!
The Times: The Daily Mirror is right!
Financial Times: Express is right, but BOJO is not God, he's just a charlatan!
The Guardian: Kim Jong-un is purchasing Leeds United and demands they march into every stadium doing goose-steps!
Observer: Have no headlines because nobody reads them anyway.
So, punters, scholars and learned ones, there is your weekly update of tripe floating around your heads after reading the UK press...