Britain to cut funding for National Truss

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 2 April 2021

image for Britain to cut funding for National Truss
Britain's intestines are already poking out of its rectum - also known as Kent

The UK Government announced this week that they would cut funding for the National Truss, stating that it "was not a priority at the moment".

Supporters of the Truss were outraged, saying that it was essential for the nation's well-being. National Truss spokesman Geoff Cupp said, "The Truss is literally the only thing keeping Britain's ugly insides from spilling out. Without it we would be in serious danger of prolapse and the international humiliation it would bring."

The National Truss was founded in 1895 at a time when Britain was straining too hard and began to develop hernias. Built of iron and concrete, it spans the country from Sidmouth to Montrose, from Fishguard to Flamborough, where a giant stone hand shoves the herniated innards back inside.

"As Britain comes under increasing strain, we are seeing secondary hernias in Sunderland, Clacton and Cockermouth," said Cupp. "Without the National Truss to hold them in, Britain could plop itself inside out."

Prime Minister Boris Johnson was unconcerned. "Piffle poff!" he ejaculated. "I am planning to build a new land-bra from Dover to Bristol, which will lift and separate us, and after that we can look forward to some rough and tumble international thrusting. Wiff waff!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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