Man In Dirty Mack Found Hiding In Bushes

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 20 March 2021

image for Man In Dirty Mack Found Hiding In Bushes
Just humans down on their luck

An investigation has been launched after a man clad only in a dirty, beige-colored plastic Mackintosh, shredded black trousers and a pair of wellington boots was found loitering in some bushes at a park yesterday afternoon.

The man, identified by locals as 'a stinking tramp', was discovered in the public park in Oaf-on-Sea in East Yorkshire, holding a brown bottle containing the dregs of something in one hand, and the tiniest cigarette butt in the world in the other. He appeared to be 'the worse for wear', and was slurring his speech.

His Mackintosh was tied around his hips with a knotted piece of filthy string.

The tramp was found by four teenagers who were using their mobile phones to, respectively, troll innocent, peaceable and gullible users on Facebook; set up a knife fight with a neighbouring gang; make plans for a drug deal; and organise operatives in a local schoolgirl grooming ring.

They taunted the tramp, shouting and laughing at him, pushing and kicking him, pouring beer on his face, and generally giving the poor bloke a hard time.

Despite being in an unkempt state, drunk, and incoherent, the tramp was the least potentially-problematical of this motley group of people. Police failed to recognise this, and carted him away for questioning over some recent drug crime, a knife attack, and an incident where a 12-year-old girl was approached by a member of a grooming gang.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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