Lonely bachelor Brian Asshat is sending Valentine's cards to all of the women that he knows.
'Yes,' said Brian, 'I will be sending 17 Valentine's cards this year, well I sent them all on Monday, so they should be delivered by now. I sent one to Phylis at the newsagent's, one to Amanda and Tracy who work at Tesco Express, one to the lady I see in the park. I don't know her name, but I have followed her quite a lot, and a few to people I knew years ago, who will have forgotten about me by now.'
Isobel, who received one of the cards from Brian, told us: 'I don't know who Brian Asshat is! What is he like? Is he handsome, tall and in his forties? Oh, like that is it? I suppose I should be flattered, but really I am not.'