Traffic cone Peter Smith now knows everything that student Conrad Barrington does, as the two have been sharing house space since September.
'It all seemed like so much fun at first ' said Peter. 'I just minded my own business at the end of a road, when this cheeky wee scamp and three of his mates picked me up, and took me back their hovel, sorry, I mean state-of-the-art university accommodation, and just sat me in their front room.'
'But since then,' continued the triangular piece of plastic, 'I have just seen him watching Bargain Hunt, Pointless, and Emmerdale, and then the drivel that they show on Channel Five in the evenings. I was hoping for more than this, maybe some sexual activity, or a few other people to look at and listen to, but no, nothing like that at all.'
Barrington said: 'Oh, I remember taking the cone home, but I regretted it as soon as I did it, and now I am stuck with it, but it is a defining part of my existence and personality, so I guess that we are stuck with each other now.'