Stanley Bridgewater, a consumer of cup-a-soup and large shirts bought in the sale at Tesco, has realised that now the new, and under-whelming series of popular television documentary Death in Paradise has started on BBC1, he may as well, like the rest of us, just spend 2021 in bed, with no-one.
The morose character told us: 'Before Covid, I had a lot of things to look forward to, but now that Antony from the Royle Family is now in it, it is not so good. I preferred it when he was on the sofa, watching TV, making tea for everyone. Of course, he is an actor, but he could have gone the easy way, and just appeared on Gogglebox.'