English patriot Cliff Sovdova was disappointed in the Brexit deal. “He heard they were keeping all the pole dancing in Warsaw. Because of the VAT,” said neighbour Britney Ferris.
His life-partner Sunny Uplands said he cheered up when she told him that Russia was not in the EU, though. “And we could still play Russian roulette. It was the first time we’d played it. And the last!” she quipped.
“I was going to have the funeral with a Union Jack over his coffin,” she said, “but then I thought, no, I could use it when I do my Spice Girls routine, to look like Rabid Spice – weird name, really. I’m on at the pub tonight. Special menu, all English food – chicken biryani, pappadoms, that kind of thing.”
Ms Uplands recently announced her engagement to Laurie Driver, who had been parked-up in Kent so long, he felt he had already put down roots there, and might as well start a family.