Amazon Clamp Down On Stupid Questions

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Friday, 1 January 2021

image for Amazon Clamp Down On Stupid Questions
The Amazon, yesterday.

In a shock move, Amazon have finally started prosecuting people who ask purposefully stupid questions about products on their site.

The decision comes as campaigners ramped up efforts to pressure the consumer giant to get something done about the annoying trend, this past month.

Jenny Livid, from campaign group 'Alright, Enough Now' told us 'we've been asking Amazon to do something about this for ages, but they said it was out of their hands.'

Worried that prosecution may put people off from asking genuine questions, Livid reassured us 'we're not talking about dumb questions, people ask them all the time. We're talking about this new trend of purposefully stupid questions.'

'We've seen people asking 'is this real silk?' about a teapot. Asking 'can I eat this with gravy?' on a lawnmower listing, or 'can I use this as a hat?' on a listing for a workbench. These are the things we're trying to stop.'

'The most common question by far,' she continued, 'and if you look, this is featured on almost every listing on Amazon right now, whether it is for a digital download or a bicycle, is 'is this gluten free?'

'It wasn't funny the first time I saw it, it certainly wasn't any funnier the twelve millionth!'

With this apparent victory in the bag for the campaign group, we asked what comes next?

Livid told us 'well, we won't rest on our laurels. Next we combat people who reply to genuine questions about a product with unhelpful answers such as 'I didn't buy this one, so I can't help' or 'I bought it as a present for my son, so I don't know the answer..' if that's the case, the question wasn't for you! Don't answer it!'

Amazon declined to comment, but our sources told us that 'Amazon being Amazon, retribution will be swift and exact.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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