There were cries of “Cheat! Cheat!” and "Show us your hand signals!" at Prime Minister’s Question Time when the Minister for Wheels & Deals, Ivor Tenspeed, faced allegations of irregularity in the cycling proficiency test for members of the government.
Such claims were “scurrilous nonsense,” he said, and the government remained on track (Shouts of "Keep to the cycle lane!") for all members of the front bench to be cycling-proficient, in line with low-carbon policy. To murmurs of “Show us your cycle clips!” and “He doesn’t look good in Lycra!”, Mr Tenspeed refused to confirm or deny rumours a government minister had persuaded a junior assistant to take the test in his place.
In a remarkable promotion, nineteen-year-old Eric Peloton has recently been appointed the youngest head of puncture repair kit procurement at the Department for Inflation. Mr Peloton was unavailable for comment, as he is unwell, suffering from yellow jersey (maillot jaune).