Following the discovery of register irregularities at Charney Bassett Academy (Science & Space Technology), police have begun an investigation into unexplained student disappearances.
Head of Science, Iam Totally-Crackt, shouted, "It was an innovation! Is there no appetite for adventure in this country? What's a few missing students? We have launched a space vehicle and reduced disruptive behaviour in one fell swoop!" as he was led away.
Ofsted reported an unexplained reduction in the number of students on the roll at Charney Bassett, whose motto is: 'The world is your oxter'.
"Only the expendable ones!" yelled Mr Totely-Crackt, as he was bundled into the back of a plain van, which then sped off.
Thea Mainchance, Academy Principal, issued a statement: "In line with last year's Ofsted recommendations, we have been working to reduce the number of disruptive elements in the Academy, while preparing our young people for the space industry of the future. Don't let anyone tell you no different. I don't have to do this job, you know."