No News is good News, especially Jaggedone's weekly broadsheet / tabloid headlines!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 11 August 2020

image for No News is good News, especially Jaggedone's weekly broadsheet / tabloid headlines!
Now these are the 'HEADLINES' real men love seeing and believing!

Tumultuous global going's on descend upon us daily, and Jaggedone just loves to home in on juicy headlines, read and believed, by UK punters lying on pebble beaches, not keeping social distancing, and certainly not wearing masks!

Here Jaggedone's pick of the week:

Daily Star: Ice age approaching the UK!

The Currant Bun: Heatwave killing more OAP's than corona!

Express (early edition): Boris Johnson demands that masks should be worn in all public places and, 1.5, or 2.0, or 2.5 metres, social distancing obligatory!

The Times: Trump says masks are ridiculous and social distancing is bullshit!

Evening Standard (late edition): Boris Johnson says masks are ridiculous and social distancing is bullshit!

Daily Mail: Prince Harry and Meghan should be lead to the Tower and beheaded!

Guardian: Daily Mail are a bunch of Naz-ti royal racists!

Manchester Evening News sport headline: Man United buy Sancho at last!

Bild Zeitung, Germany, sport headline: Fuck Man United, Sancho is staying in Dortmund unless they pay £200 million Deutschmarks!

Manchester Evening News, sport headline: BVB Dortmund have got their heads up their butts; there are no Deutschmarks!

Observer: Our headline got lost between heatwave and corona because nobody reads our serious crap anyway!

Financial Times (UK Edition): German economy is going down the pot along with the Euro and we are laughing our butts off!

Financial Times (German edition): UK Wirtschaft ist 'fucked' und wir sind sehr gluecklich!

So, there you have it punters, ladies and gentlemen, your weekly dose of international / UK headlines disturbing your over-heated algorithms during these sweltering hot summer days!

More as it cools down; hopefully!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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