Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Loudmouth manager and Ozzy-minder, Sharon Osbourne, today raged at tabloids that “snowflakes have ruined this country.”

She was not referring to the weather. She believes that the state of the UK has been seriously harmed, not by government misrule, or corporate greed, but by “snowflakes” - oversensitive young people who were easily “triggered” into anguish, and who wish to be protected from views they disagree with.

“They’re always moaning about this and that,” moaned Osbourne. “I just disagree with them so much, I wish I didn’t have to hear their views.” She admitted that she was oversensitive to snowflakes, and that they “triggered” her.

After her hypocrisy was pointed out, she responded that she couldn’t be a snowflake herself, because she was a “snowflake-basher”. She said, “I don’t see how a snowflake could hit other snowflakes.”

When asked what Ozzy would think about the whole thing, she became embarrassed. “He wouldn’t like it, he’d probably bite my head off!” said the old bat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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